Thursday, 22 May 2014

Depression And Self-Consciousness?

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Hello fellas!

Well today might be something different to share about, it's not related to beauty and makeup, but yeah I still wanted to share it with you guys.
I have made up my mind to share it with you guys because I believe I might not be the only one who have these problem, well I'm not going to share the entire story of what made me upset lately but perhaps a little of it enough to share, I don't want to feel alone like I'm the only person who face these kind of stuff, I'm pretty sure there're a lots of people do too.

Well, I might looks like the happy and playful girl on the outside, but nobody knows what happened to me in my life, and perhaps nobody ever imagined that I have those kind of problem.

First of all, I'm not prefect. Nobody is. I do cry and I do laugh. People have their own depression and self-consciousness. So did I.

From my past life, I mean I ever once had the baddest depression in my secondary where my parents can't and don't want to understand me. I knew people ever tell me, during that period teenagers tend to hit their puberty and get confused on their  life and have some sort of depression..maybe I did too, and parents sometimes don't want to understand and listen to us, they just keep scolding and blaming us like "this is your fault" and "that is your fault", and "everything is your fault". I do have those experience too, sometimes, I cried and feels like running away from home and feels like committing suicide, but luckily my friends were there for me, indeed friendship is priceless. That is the reason why I love my friends than myself, they were there for me, when I share about my depression they are there to listen to me, and wipe off my tears and said "it's ok, your life gonna be ok, you're a strong girl", "Don't be sad, god will be with you if you keep on living and have a strong desire to make your life better". I will never had any strength to keep on and get my knees up again if my friends never said those powerful building words to me.

Now it seems like I'm once hitting the same problem, where my parents seems like refusing to listen me, and keep blaming me on everything. I do have a problem with my parents, I don't know if it really me or them who don't want to understand each other, I think that no matter of what I wanna say, they refuse to listen, and at last keep blaming me, I feels like the life is too dark for me?

I never come in the super rich family, and wasn't born to be friendly, pretty and well-loved by others, I have a self-conscious, I do afraid of losing the ones I love, like friends and family but sometimes I feels like the world is being unfair to my life. It's not like I'm not grateful of what I have, but I'm being a little of jealous to people who have everything, lovable, the good and cozy life. I know I'm not the pretty faced, and I'm not smart as my brothers and sisters, who always get a good result in their test and exam, and I'm not the lovable person. I have a lot of insecurities.

I do believe everybody have their own insecurities too, so that's why I'm sharing, to let you know we're not alone. Everybody have their own problem and depression.

And for me, these past weeks is really troublesome, I've gone under a great depression for this year 2014 in these past 3 weeks. It's about the money, family, my goal in life, like everything. Sometimes if I feel like I can't take it anymore I will sit alone in my room, just sit in a stealth mood for a while, recalling something good to make me feel lucky that I'm alive, and tell myself "this is nothing, I will live my life like nothing bad ever happened" but sometimes, we can't face the problem alone, we need a partner to share, and at last I will share it with my close buddies and cry and feels a little better. If we hold the sadness and depression inside, where do you think it will flows to? at last we will need to tells somebody, so tell and share it to your friends, if you just think to take it alone, you will be in great depression and thinking of ending your life, that wasn't a good idea. That's why I love and appreciate my friends, because all the time they will be there for me. If they can't do something to give a hand, at least they listening, that's even more helping than anything.

I can't make my life beautiful in my teenagers life, I can't have anything that I want and longed for but I will try to be a successful person and have whatever I want in my future life. So that people will never look down on me again. Remember, anything that make you feels down, depressed and sad, share it with your friends, don't keep them inside you alone, you are never be alone, you have friends even if your parents don't want to listen. I believe every parents love their child, just that they don't know how to understand you, so share it with your friends, don't be like me who ever thought of committing suicide. Suicide is never a good solution or a way out of problem. If you don't have a friend to listen, you can share it with me, although I might not be able to help, I will listen and to it and you're not alone, we're not alone.

Live your beautiful life,
May you all find the happiness in life,

-Jia Jia-

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